My husband Zack was taken aback and deeply hurt when I asked for a divorce after three decades of marriage. He believed he had always been a good partner. But there was something he never anticipated the true reason behind my decision.
It’s fascinating how two people can experience the same relationship so differently. Zack saw our marriage as a happy one, while I was silently struggling with my feelings of unhappiness.
Our diverging perspectives finally came to a head on our 30th wedding anniversary, just two weeks after our youngest child moved out. I broke the news to Zack that I wanted a divorce.
He looked at me, stunned and confused. “What?” he asked, unable to process the words. “Who’s getting a divorce?”
“You,” I said calmly. “Or more precisely, I am.”
Zack dropped into a chair, still in disbelief. “You’re divorcing me?”
“Yes,” I confirmed. “I’m divorcing you.”
“But why?” Zack asked, his eyes brimming with tears. “I love you, Kelly. I always have. I’ve never cheated on you, not even once!”
“That’s true,” I acknowledged. “You never cheated, drank, or gambled.”
One of the most important things in a relationship is to LISTEN to what the other person is really saying.
“Then why?” he demanded angrily. “I did NOTHING wrong, and you’re leaving me? Are you having an affair?”
The truth was more complex than an affair or any traditional betrayal. It was about the years of feeling unheard, the emotional distance that had grown, and the unmet needs that I had silently endured for too long.
